This week’s Kid Quotes has a theme: Bathroom Words.  I’m warning you, this is pretty gross, but I’m certain that every parent or anyone that has taken care of children can relate to what is happening in our home.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my kids are gross.  And I pray that they are only that way when I’m around.  In our home.  When there are no other witnesses.

Kid Quotes: Bathroom WordsBody functions and noises are just hilarious to them and I’ve recently discovered that my son has a natural desire to moon me each and every day, especially when I don’t expect it.  The fear that he would bare his little bottom in public, or at daycare, prompted me to begin preaching to him about appropriateness.  I have therefore made the rule for my children that the only place that they can talk about body functions or private parts is when they are in the bathroom, in our home.  We call these topics and terms “bathroom words”.

My potty talk rule has turned my children into crazy people at bath time.

Whenever I “help” Little Man in the bathroom these days, he feels the need to share everything he knows about human anatomy.  We don’t do nicknames for body parts in our home, so he always uses the actual name and ALWAYS has to assign the appropriate private part to each person in the house when he is going to the bathroom:

“Mommy, I have a penis.  Daddy has a penis.  We are boys, so we have a penis. You have a vagina.  Sis has a vagina.  You are girls, so you have to have a vagina.  And boobies.”

Direct quot.  I’m not joking.  This isn’t just one conversation that happened one day.  It is daily.  More than once per day.  I hear it, at minimum, 3-4 times per day.  My dear husband blames me because I just had to use proper anatomy terms.  All my fault.  But this conversation is the reason that I instituted the bathroom rule and made them both promise that the bathroom words could only be uttered in OUR bathroom in OUR house.

So the other day my son was helping me out in the kitchen and he jumps up, runs to the downstairs bathroom, and I hear him shout, “Bottom, Bottom, Bottom!!!” and he runs back out to me giggling.  I asked him why he did that, and he said it was because he was in his own house and it was a bathroom word and he wanted to say it but had to go to the bathroom in our house to do so.

Bath time now = naked dance party for my kids.  Not both of them at the same time.  That wouldn’t be good.  They are starting to “notice” too much.  But each of them at their own bath time.  I guess they just need to get it out of their system.  The silliness ensues with lots of giggles and an occasional episode of flatulence.  They both tell me that I can’t get on to them for doing any of that because they are in the bathroom.  And it is allowed there.  Well, OK.

The random mooning in various locations of the house has slowed down a great deal.  They at least restrict that to just in the bathroom, so I am now confident that I won’t be receiving a letter from school or day care about inappropriate behavior.  My fingers are still crossed on that one.  I’m also thinking that the multitude of questions in public bathrooms will be kept to a minimum as well.

But I do wish I could go one day without hearing about private parts and their appropriate name.  Bath time is fun time in our house… and I can’t share everything with you today  because, well, I’m not in the bathroom right now.

Aren’t you glad?

Let’s Hear About Your Messes!

Have you heard something that is just too funny not to share? You can send me your Kid Quotes as a message through the GracefulMess Facebook group page or send me a reader response here.  If you would like to include a photo with your submission, let me know and I’ll send you my email address.

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